A twinkle can last a lifetime...

I can't stop crying. My heart is crushed...

I remember the first time I seen him. He was getting into his truck after checking his mail. I sat in my sister's car and I watched him. He looked over, stopped, and with that unbelieveable twinkle in his eye, he looked right at me and smiled. From that moment... I knew he would be the man I compared all others to.

I didn't know him, I mean, I didn't REALLY know him, but in my mind he was the epitomy of  that I wanted in a man; tall, dark, handsome, confident and the center of every room he walked in to. I just filled in the blanks... he was sincere, honest, loving, and the list goes on...  any imagination could do that. I don't know if he was any of those things, but I'm sure he was :)

I delivered his divorce papers. sigh. He came to explain. We shared a moment that I was far too young, and far to insecure to understand... However, from that moment... he had my attention. My first real CRUSH. But I am sure I wasn't the only one.

A year later, a discussion in the resturaunt would allow my infatuation to hit new levels... "Hi Todd, where's your girlfriend?", answer "school", quote "she is so pretty I can hardly take my eyes off her"... the story of all stories, the story Todd has to repeat over and over to all my girlfriends that admitt they think he is something else too! That is MY ego booster, that comment has been used time and time again when I'm feeling old, fat, ugly and worthless.... Monte Stewart Burton thinks I'm pretty! :P That comment will carry me a lifetime!

To be honest, that is it. Each encounter is a hello or a smile, but always with the twinkle in his eye that made my heart flutter. His smile could lighten any of my moods. I can see it so vividly in my mind. I'm going to miss him... even if it was just the thought of him.

I'm still crying... Maybe not so much for him, but for thought of him. For the thought that in this world existed a man that has all those qualities I am looking for in a partner. I know that most of it was poetic and imagined, but at least there was a face to associate that dream with... A hunter, a fisherman, a husband, a lover, a friend, a believer, a wealth generator, a getleman, a supporter and an achiever. Sigh. I put wedding cake under my pillow last night and I dreamt of Todd.