Struggles...

The big smoke was a lot of fun! A marathon of movies and visits, not to mention a casino loss of about $80! Ouch! Sorry J, there goes your babysitting money :(

I brought my mom to her residence for the next few weeks and she seemed so happy to be there. I am glad. For the past six months I have watched her struggle with everything from getting dressed, walking, climbing stairs, washing her hair, etc. It almost seems like her whole life revolves around her struggles, that she doesn't really have any other activities that don't relate to taking her meds, going to appointments, trying to figure out what is wrong. Her struggles are legit, and so unfair. Despite it all, she keeps moving along towards... Oh I don't know, the end.

The visit with my father was wonderful. It was full of laughter, tears, naps and food. The perfect day I would say :) He is full of stories, rhyme and reason. Oh, maybe I am tooting his horn because when I walked in he said "wow, you look great! looks like you've lost some weight" haha. Never has that man ever told me I looked good. Usually he starts off in a lecture about inputs and outputs. Great man, but not always the most considerate. My father has a heart of gold and the tendency to be too generous with it. Doesn't seem to sit well with his mrs. At the ripe old age of 78 he has found himself in a place where he has to start over again or sit back quietly while he struggles with the notion that someone else is planning his life. He is not the type to sit back. Right now his life is consumed with making his plans to live his life the way HE wants to. Instead he is planning his end. Arranging his funeral. The time is ticking... a little quicker each day. After it is all said and done, what difference does it make where you go when you die?

I had to think of my mother as I went shopping for clothes. Every size 18 pair of jeans I barely squeezed on I had to tell myself, it could be worse... The fact they didn't fit right had nothing to do with my physical ability to put them on... or did it? Is it that my struggle was no different than my mothers? That my weight has consumed me and that my life revolve around my struggle with it. I think about it when I cook, when I eat, when I shower, when I get dressed. It's no different... I am crippled by my size. It is not that I do not love who I am, my body and all the parts of it, for I very much do. The true struggle is with the fact that I am a strong Haida woman and I know how to set goals and accomplish them, but have never really seemed to be able to achieve this one. This bothers me, and the thought of this failure to achieve is at the forefront of my life. How sad is that?

My sister and I caught the bus from my dads' the other night. There was a girl there struggling with her bags. My sister asked her if she needed help. So, we helped her... what an awesome person she is! She said she hates to struggle alone, so she likes to help people that are struggling. All I know is that it put a little glow in my heart to see that young girls face filled with relief that someone would come and rescue her :) Maybe that is what we all need. Someone to rescue us from our struggles, or better yet someone to help you through them.

Circuit tonight. I can hardly weight! lol I know.

Oh! and welcome to my first follower :) your a complete doll!