Life begins at 40!

Wow! Its been a while since I have sat down and posted in this blog! I've had good intentions in the past few years but as life goes, I've been busy. I turned 40 this year. My mother always told me that "life begins at 40", and I for one can't wait to see what this next chapter has in store for me and my little troops.

The past three years have definitely been full of adventure, and full of heartbreak, but I think that is just the reality of this thing called life. There are always ups, and always downs, and all the stuff in between is generally known as, well... life!

"Life is amazing. And then it's awful. And then it's amazing again. And in between its the amazing and the awful its ordinary and mundane and routine. Breathe in the amazing, hold on through the awful, and relax and exhale during the ordinary. That's just living heartbreaking, soul-healing, amazing, awful, ordinary life. And it's breathtakingly beautiful." - LR Knost

I think I left off with my epic road trip across Canada with the boys and my dad. Well... we have hit the road many times since then, creating unforgettable and important memories. My dad loved to hop in his RV and see where the road would take us. I don't think that I am much different, only my adventures have taken me south, and usually with a bunch of wonderful woman that share in my journey to replenish my soul.

In 2012 I was floating around facebook, and I seen a post by a woman that I didn't really know. We had crossed paths once or twice before this time, had mutual friends, etc. but we didn't know each other well. Her status update said "Does anyone want to come to Mexico with me?" Well, as you might know from past blogs I was wanting to go away, but wasn't sure where. I knew I didn't want to go back to Sayulita because I had already been there, and I wanted to see some place new.... So... I replied "I do!!" She private messaged me and asked if I was serious, and whether I was or wasn't, I said "YES!" And the adventure began...  we packed our bags and myself, and my new "soon to be friends" booked a flight to Cancun Mexico for 10 days in an all-inclusive, for nothing but the intention of rest and relaxation, and of course to create some of the most epic memories in my life! The picture above is me and my girls on a bar hopping tour of Cancun. It was so fun (or at least what I remember of it was!) By day 8 of this trip I missed my kids and wanted to be home. I had never really gone anywhere where sitting by the pool and laying out in the sun was the main objective. What a fantastic vacation, and what fantastic new friends!In my personal life Cancun was definitely the highlight of 2012 :)

In March of 2013 the old man and I decided to bring the boys to Disneyland. Although for many this is the ultimate family trip, I was a little apprehensive. When I was 5 years old my parents brought my sister and I to Disneyland a last family trip, for upon our return they informed us that they were getting a divorce, which began a series of unhappy memories, and poor decisions on everyones part. That is an entire blog in itself! Needless to say, I was afraid that history was being repeated with the turmoil in my own marriage at this point in time. The fear of becoming my parents was real, and also a pivotal point in my life.

It was an epic trip, one full of beautiful memories and tons of laughter. The boys were so happy to be there, and the old man and I... happy to create these memories with them. Other than a big fight about jam in Target while shopping, we made it though the vacation without any real warfare. I'm happy to say there was no divorce when we returned. So maybe it is true... you can rewrite history.


In April 2013 my travel club decided it was time to venture out from Mexico and to check out the rest of the world. So... we decided that each trip we take will never be to the same place twice,  and the only requirement would be... sunshine! I enjoyed the all-inclusive experience, but I wanted to experience the culture and live amongst the locals. So, we decided that we would stay in a beautiful condo on the beach that we found through Vacation by Owner, 50m from the beach, in the beautiful Dominican Republic. What a gorgeous location, and a beautiful country. This trip was three full weeks of lying on the beach, reading some good books, an epic paddle boarding experience and fabulous company.  I loved this trip as it allowed me to sit on the deck overlooking the water each morning with my coffee writing proposals. This, my fabulous readers, was the trip that made me decide that I was going to live out my dreams of travelling around the world, working from my computer. My dad had always told me that I need to see the world, and I think its because in his heart of hearts he wanted that life too... or at least the sun that  comes with it! So... I made a 10 year plan, and slowly but surely I am getting there. I will raise my boys the best that I can, and when Qwasaas turns 18, and I settle him into college, I am going to leave for my own worldly education.

On the way home from the Dominican my friend and I stopped off in Las Vegas. How fun! We went to go "Beatles LOVE". It was a good show. I've been in a few shows in Las Vegas. This one was good, but it wasn't the best. I think out of al the shows I've seen I'd rate them this way:

1. Raiding the Rock Vault - Tropicana
2. Carrot Top - Luxor
3. Chris Angel - Luxor
4. Michael Jackson - Mirage
5. Beatles LOVE - Mirage
6. Tony and Tina's Wedding - Hard Rock

What I'd really like to do is see the Grand Canyon. I've been to Vegas many times, actually paid for car rental to drive to the Canyon but... as Vegas goes... couldn't get up early enough to venture out on the experience. I was researching the skywalk, and had a complete panic attack just thinking about it. Some day...

 This is my father and I. I must have been about 3 years old here. In September of 2012 he was diagnosed with prostate cancer. He had just come to visit in August. I noticed how tired he was, and that he didn't seem to feel all that good while he was here. It was a really nice visit. One of my favorite things to do with my Dad was to people watch. He had the greatest sense of humor and a wonderful gift for commentary. We went to the music festival and people watched all day. My Dad was my hero. He had the best hugs, and had a way of making you feel like you were the most important person in the world. He was my rock in so many instances. If I was down, confused or had some kind of problem to solve, I would call on him, and he would generally have the answer, and I usually didn't listen. haha.

He was not perfect.  Just like any other family we had our problems. But the older I got the more I realized that it was not my responsibility to fix the problems. It was not my responsibility to mend the relationships. It was not my responsibility to own anything but MY relationship with him.  My parents were not perfect. But one thing they both had was love for us. I never, ever, in my life felt unloved. Alone, yes. Neglected, yes. Hopeless, yes. But never unloved. Some people might not understand that statement since being neglected and alone definitely doesn't display the "normal" affections attributed to love. But... my family was NOT normal. As the youngest child I may have missed much of the chaos, but I certainly didn't miss the aftermath of the storm. I'm truly grateful that by the Grace of God I was given the opportunity to work through the hurt and the blame. Or it could be that I just wouldn't give up moving all that rubble, one visit at at time, until I could finally reach him!

I went to Vegas with him and my sister in March of 2013. It was a fantastic trip, but no where near as memorable as the trip my sister, dad and I took across Canada in June of 2013. It was epic! It was our last journey together. It was so fun! It was hard being on Haida Gwaii knowing that he was slowly dying. In September of 2013 he took a turn for the worst. From September to November I spent as much time with him as I could. But as we all know, it wasn't enough. During my last visit it was clear to me that he wasn't going to last very long. So on the day I left, we said goodbye. And he gave me the gift I had been waiting for my whole life. He said "Tadpole, I am so proud of you and what you have done with your life. I don't worry about you because I know you will do well. I love you." We sat there holding hands,  and as I cried,  as he comforted me. As I write this I cannot help but tear up for that memory I will hold dear  forever. He died a few days later.

Losing my Dad had to have been one of the hardest times in my life. To be honest, I'm not sure I really recovered. I was still doing my MBA when he died. Thankfully, it kept me from feeling the pain I do now... I miss him everyday. A love like his is rare. There will never be another man in my life that will love me like he did. He didn't really want a funeral. He chose to be buried in a small town called Etna in southern Alberta. My sister, her boyfriend and I travelled for his burial. A one day drive turned into a three day adventure as we went on one last road trip to say our final goodbyes. We didn't make it to his burial. But I don't think we were really meant to. I think Tracey and I were meant to spend that time together, to watch the trees and mother nature pass us by. I think we were meant to miss every turn off, and find ourselves in Montana instead of Alberta :) I truly believe my father was on that trip with us. Epic! We are Moores', we always learn the hard way :) RISP Dad! This is the last picture I have of us together.

The Dali Lama says "Once a year, go somewhere you have never been." So in August of  2014 the boys and I went on Road Trip in memory of my Dad and his love for road trips... Sucker Creek Alberta was the destination. What a fabulous time we had! My kids are the biggest joy in my life. They amaze me everyday! I am really hard on them, but I want them to be prepared for what life has in store for them. I allow them to be children, but I also try to teach them responsibility. I want them to be confident, good, kind hearted, loving, and most of all respectful young men. I am so fortunate to have them in my life. Kiijuuthlaas is a wonderful co-pilot. And Qwasaas, was such a good motivator. Telling us to get up and get a move on the day. He's somewhat like his father that way. Doesn't like to wait around. We spent a few days with my dear friend Julie and her family. It was such a nice visit. I love Julie to pieces. She is one of the kindest women you will ever meet. She is funny, she is loving, and she is so smart. I'm so glad my mother met her on the bus and insisted that we meet. I met her when I was 21, but I feel as though I have known and loved her my whole life. I was so grateful for this trip. The boys and I had a fantastic time.

In October 2014 Hesti and Emma came to live with us for three months. They were both involved in a program call Canada World Youth, which was an exchange program with Canadian and Indonesian Youth.  It was a fantastic experience, it was such a blessing to have Hesti and Emma stay with us. We learned a lot from both of them :) My man was a little reluctant to take them in, but in the end I knew he was just as happy as I was to have them come into our home. Because of them we have "meatless mondays" (Emma was a vegetarian) and Hesti taught us about her country, her culture and her religion. They are both wonderful girls, and we miss having them around. This picture is from our Christmas dinner. Probably the highlight of 2014! There was so much love and laughter in the air that night! xoxo

In April 2015... right on schedule... After 2.5 year journey with my team "Peak Performance" I'm proud to say that I graduated with a Masters in Business Administration. It was one of the proudest accomplishments of my life to put those three little letters behind my name.

I chose not participate in Haida Grad, or my grad ceremonies. I don't really know why, but I convinced myself that there wasn't a need to celebrate this milestone in my life in any formal way. I think I was exhausted and relieved that the journey was over. I also didn't feel like I could look into the crowd and not see my Dad sitting there. When I went back to school he was one of my biggest cheerleaders. I worked hard to make him proud.  When all the work was done, and my mind no longer had anything to distract it, I began to grieve. A great sadness overcame me, and being in public just wasn't something I could do at that time. In the end, I took my $50k degree, and put it in a $2 frame, hung it on the wall with the others. Maybe I can celebrate the next one.

April 2015... My travel buddies and I took a well deserved adventure to for the month of April. Panama, Costa Rica and Nicaragua were on the menu and I must say it turned into a fantastic trip that I never wanted to end! It began with a flight to Panama to spend a week with my cousin Gina. Gina is one of my favorite people in the whole world. She is so sweet, so kind, so fun, so loving, so smart, so adventurous! I am just so grateful for knowing her. I really needed her fantastic outlook on life at that point in my life. I needed her hospitality, her kids, her time, her driving lessons, her outlook on life. She has a way to lift your spirits when you are at your lowest, can help you see the silver lining, can remind you that the limitations we have in our lives are only limited by what we can see! She ROCKS! I love her and Colin to pieces! I am working hard at figuring a way to go back. I loved all of it. When it was time to leave Panama I was sad that I was leaving, but at the same time I felt like she gave me permission to fly! Although I was leaving on bus :-P

Kim and I took a bus from Panama to San Jose, Costa Rica, and then a city bus to Playa Del Cocoa. BEST adventure yet! 16 hours on the bus... might seem a little boring... but the adventure gave me the most independent feeling I have ever had.  Costa Rica was amazing! We stayed in my parents timeshare as part of my grad present from my Mum and Dad. The hotel was so amazing! It is truly a progressively 'green' country, with the most beautiful volcanos, water, greenery, and culture. Some of the girls and I took a bus to Nicaragua for the day. It was an amazing day! I think by far, COSTA RICA was my favorite place yet! And that vacation probably one of my most memorable.

In December 2015 the boys and I are headed to Cuba for a few weeks. I can hardly wait to blog about that! And in April, the girls and I are going to BALI! Oh I cannot wait! I am going to visit my friend Hesti. If there is anything I can say about life, it's definitely DREAM BIG. Cause with hard work, determination, and love, you can accomplish and get through anything! Now if only I could apply that determination to loosing some weight! haha.. The problem... I love food. Even "clean" food. And even too much of something good... Oh well, I've somewhat come to the conclusion that life is short and I need to focus on today. I am not perfect, but I am 40... and according to my mama life begins at 40!